about katherine

Two posts in one day?? I must have nothing else to do. Well, that may be correct. I am at home these days, not getting much done. Wanna call it a sabbatical? Yeah, let's do that. Sounds better than a jobless old maid - not that I am old - yet.

Anyway, continuing from the previous post, accepting Katherine's invitation to go with her to the other class during the break was the best decision of my life and I am really thankful to her that she asked me to come with her. I met a lot of people I had known since kindergarten, but was never really friends with because of my snob like attitude and a filthy mouth that I had all those years, and I don't blame them.

But this post is not about the rest of them. It is about the friendship that Katherine and I shared. Of course we'll talk about the others later in other posts (they're definitely going to be happy posts. Do they even qualify to be posted on this blog??? I'm not sure. So we'll see about that later), after I finish telling stories about Katherine, Alice, Naomi and a few other girls that treated me like dirt and put me through shit.

So when I went to that other class with her during recess, I not only met the others (who were her friends then) but gradually also started interacting with them; and when they observed that I had changed for the better, they responded too. This became an everyday thing. We had two recesses each day and the second the bell rang announcing that the recess had begun, we would just shut our books, shove them under the desk or stuff them back into our bags and rush to the other class because we didn't want to miss even a second of the fun that they would have already started having as soon as the recess started - not to mention the fun that they continuously had even during classes.

In about two or three weeks since school started that year, Katherine and I went from being people who couldn't even stand each others' presence to very good friends. So good, that she began calling me at home just to talk, we began sharing secrets, discussing other friends. It was all very very good.

I was not the only close friend that she had. She and I are very close to this other friend - Joan, who by the way is my only best friend now and has been my friend (not just someone I knew from school) since that day of the last year in school when Katherine and I went to their class during recess. Katherine also has a few other friends from her neighborhood and all. So Joan and I were not the only friends she had. But the three of us became closer and it was as if we were a group of best friends.

Katherine is a very good person at heart. But she was never a very easy person to deal with. She cares a lot about everyone (not just her close friends), she's there for you whenever you need her - even if it is 2AM and you just need to talk; and most of the times she gives excellent and very practical advice. 

The problem with Katherine is that she is very demanding in every way. It is like having a high-maintenance friend and I mean that quite literally. She gets offended very easily, she takes almost everything personally and the worst part is that every time something goes wrong, she needs to be reassured that she is still a very important part of your life.

The thing was that, during those first few years of our friendship I was still in the stage where I was in between two personalities - the old me who was rude and immature and didn't care about anyone's feelings; and the new me, who wanted more friends, who wanted others to like her and was willing to be criticized for her wrongs. So if there was an instance where I said something that Katherine took to heart a little too seriously (I still have very little control over my tongue which seems to have a mind of  my own and have gotten into a lot of trouble just because of that. Fortunately, now I realize it before anyone else has to point it out for me and make amends ASAP.) I always ended up thinking that it was my fault.

Another thing about Katherine is that she is very good with playing with words and turning situations around. The whole episode used to be presented to me in such a way that she very cleverly put the entire blame on me, as if it was totally my fault. It may have been a few times, but how can I be wrong always?? Moreover, it wasn't as if I was purposely behaving that way with her. I was the same with everyone in the group. Then how did it so happen that she was the only one getting hurt; not just once, but repeatedly?

At that time, I wanted to be liked by everyone and so I accepted any criticism about my behavior from any of them thinking that it would help me be a better person. Everyone in the group had high regards for her thinking, her maturity and the way she held herself and presented herself. So criticism coming from such a person had to have some sense and meaning to it. Therefore, I never counter argued.

That combined with the fact that I hate confrontations and fights (the old me fought with everyone on the planet. But somehow, since the transition; it was as if I had forgotten how to fight and protect my stand! It was weird.) gave her the edge. There I was, avoiding confrontations and she being the kind of person who wants to discuss everything that goes wrong, sort it out and reach a conclusion (at a very high volume and pitch which also involved yelling certain times;) seemed to get a kick out of them.

Can you imagine a situation where one person accuses the other person of being wrong, hurting her; telling them what they did, how it hurt her, whereas the accused being under the impression that they may have been in the wrong and the accuser may be right in what they are saying, accepts responsibility for something they may not even have done?? Not only does that other person accept responsibility, but at the pleading request of the accuser, the accused also apologizes, tells the accuser that she still means a lot to them and so does their friendship, and that they would take care in future to not hurt her again - for nine years! 

Even Joan seemed to agree with her! Such is her talent in twisting and turning the story around.

Yes. It has been nine years since we became friends and I don't remember one incident where she has ever genuinely apologized to me for something that she did that hurt me. The Rules are very different for her and for others. I know that she's not a saint to not even make a single mistake in nine years. It is just that I chose to not make a big deal out of every little thing that happens, whereas she did and she still does. She won't even accept that she is at fault and as always projects the situation in such a way that you forget your own argument and end up thinking that she might be right and therefore apologizing for something that she did in the first place.

I was fine with that. I had lived with that for seven years and was fine with being the one who ended up saying sorry and making the big effort; until she started doing the same with Joan.